Well I’m over her. And Alaska is ending in 2 weeks. I move back to Arizona on the 31st of August. Its interesting to think of all the things that have transpired since then. Love, love lost, loneliness, friends made, friends moved, job lost, job gained. So much random shit.

And I’ve come so far mentally. I’ve come to terms with life in more ways than I ever thought I would. I’m amazed I’ve made it this far.

I had a dream last night, though. She was riding her fixed gear down a busy street, she still had blue in her hair and I shouted her name. She stopped and saw me and hesitated, but came across the street. The light was red and she crossed the street. I stopped cars that crowded her path to me, and when she stopped on the sidewalk, I looked her in the eyes and said “I’m sorry”. She nearly broke down to tears, looked back at me and said “What if we just started from the beginning?”. Her smile broke through her tears. The most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. My eyes watered and I looked at her with such vulnerability. I felt her skin against mine. I kissed her. I could smell her, taste her, everything I remembered from the last time we embraced so long ago. We sat then, just us, enjoying each others company, for the first time in nearly 2 years. It felt so real. I wanted it to be real. But all I was left with when I awoke was a tear soaked pillow in a sun drenched room.

I guess until I find someone else, if I so choose, I’ll never stop feeling what I felt. I don’t love her anymore, I mean I do, but I always will. She was my greatest love. And without her, having her, losing her, my life would be nothing like it is right now. I owe all of my travels and lessons over the past 2 years to her leaving me. I wouldn’t be who I am now if it wasn’t for us.

I may not believe in love anymore, and I may never wish to again, but I have loved. I am human. That’s all I really needed to be sure of.

Anyway, off that subject, back to AZ from Alaska. I guess once I have regular internet again I’ll keep updating this again. Who knows, maybe Robot Ears can be resuscitated. One can only hope eh?

I hate being manic. I hate being sick. But its what I’ve come to be used to.

I hope you guys like it! Here’s the link:

https://www.mediafire.com/?1uh83ddwkvnjj52

And here is the link for our Facebook Page! Come like us and listen to all the links, learn about artists and find out other stuff:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Robot-Ears-Radio/148983388484816

Fuck holidays.

I’ve been missing the one I call Jessi James, but I know I can’t text her or call her. Maybe she still reads this. Who knows.

Work is good, been prepping most of my menu items for the season. We open up the restaurant for Thanksgiving, and then its all uphill from there (yes I meant uphill).

I wish I still had love in my life. But who knows, maybe I’ll find some one day. Until then I’ll just be the same old miserable me.

Have a good Thanksgiving, as I’ll probably be too busy to post anything for a week or so. Not that anyone reads this shit.

However. Saturdays, the post office closes early. Kinda fucks my plans for the weekend, but Monday I’ll finally be able to start taking pictures again, so I can turn my blog into a photoblog =))

Hurray for technology! =D

Not talking to her anymore.

Kinda of talking to someone who lives not in Alaska, so I guess that doesn’t matter.

Kind of miserable.

Kind of high every minute of the day to keep sane.

Kind of over all of this.